Special Tour Guest: Roland Yeomans

Sssssh!  Heather is so busy with other things that she is gone from her blog right now. 

{Roland Yeomans, here, author and blogger extraordinaire. Heather's words, not mine.}

Time for me to hawk my wares, ah, I meant “help out an over-worked friend!”

Yes, it is time for me to shamelessly drone on about my “DON’T YOU HATE BOOK TOURS?” Book Tour!

“What is the title of my new book?” you ask.  

Ah, I’m waiting, but you’re not asking. I’m waiting!  All right.  Be that way.
I can’t really blame you.  Aren’t we awash in a tidal wave of book tours?

You look at your blog list and over 37 of them you see emblazoned: “Book Tour for HOT FLESH & COLD STEEL by C. Mai Kahunas.”

Wow.  I like that title and pen name.  I might write that book myself, using that nom de plume, but with the subtitle: 50 SHADES OF TACKY.

Hey don’t blame me.  I’m a victim of Irritable Vowel Syndrome.

Where was I?  Oh, yes: my subject – ME.

We want our books to be read.  Why else go to the trouble of writing them, right?

We have to draw attention to ourselves.  I could date Miley Cyrus, but I have standards.  Sure, they’re low, but they’re still standards!

Luckily, I have Heather doing my covers and interiors.  Isn’t her latest something else?

But looking good is not enough, or I would have more dates.
We need to reach out in a new way, or do the old way in a new fashion – hence, this honest, “I know you hate to read book tour posts” book post!

Bearing with a new author pitching his new book is a lot like childbirth: long, painful, and you’re too tired to care at the end!
You’re begging to know the title of my new book, aren’t you?  You aren’t?  Oh, well, I’ll save the begging for me tonight on my date.

But you’re not getting away that easy.  I’ll give you the title anyway!

Come aboard the Xanadu, the 1st Air/Steamship for my hero’s honeymoon cruise to Paris, the Unholy Lands, and Parts Unknown (No, not where politicians tell the truth!  Man, you guys suck the joy right out of my spiel!)
It has Mark Twain, SEX!, 11 year old Nikola Tesla, SEX!, a vampiric Benjamin Franklin, an insane Abraham Lincoln, SEX!, a vengeful Captain Nemo, and many more illustrious guests like General Sherman, Ada Byron Lovelace and Margaret Fuller.

And did I mention it had SEX!

Coming this March.  Cost of Passage only $9.99!
Don’t miss out.  Everyone is talking about it.  O.K.  Just me for right now.  But you never know.

{Much to Heather's dismay, my books are not yet available on Barnes and Noble, but she's working on me}


  1. Oh, gee, Heather, you noticed I sneaked in here and took over your blog for a second. Thanks for letting me say hello to your friends and plead, ah, ask them to consider perhaps buying my Steampunk book. :-) Roland

    1. You're welcome, Roland! It was an honor to have you at the helm.

  2. Very nice to see Roland here, Heather! Hi, Roland - you just do what you need to do and the book will draw the interest. Steampunk, Paris, Twain and Tesla - several things I like a lot and then throw in Sam McCord on a weird honeymoon and what more could you want? Good Luck, Roland!

    1. How about a jealous lover? Sam just doesn't catch any breaks! :-) I had fun writing this Steampunk adventure. Thanks for the luck. I need all I can get. I even follow the Texas Ranger tradition of setting my hat crown down so as to catch any luck raining down! LOL.

  3. I love it when a sneaky author takes over a blog. You never know what you will find. So i hope you survive this takeover, Heather.
    Great to see the prolific one here. He's worked so hard, penned so many novels, have launched into audio books...what is in store in the future? Maybe you'll find out when he takes over my blog. :-)

    1. As the Ninjas say: "If you can't be smart, be sneaky." Or did the ghost of Mark Twain say that to me? :-)

      Yes, when I take over your blog, I have a new idea I am trying with THE NOT-SO-INNOCENTS ABROAD that I will talk about. When was that now? I am sneaky but forgetful. :-)

  4. As usual, I love your sense of humor, Roland, and I'm so shameless I'm gonna steal several of your best funny lines in this post. And of course having read Hibbs, the Cub With No Clue, I'm looking forward to The Bear With Two Shadows.

    1. You wouldn't be stealing my "Irritable Vowel Syndrome" would you? :-) I'm glad you liked my little post.

  5. Congrats Roland on your success!! And thank you so much for the laugh... I've got the irritable vowel syndrome too!
    Loved this post!

    1. I may have created a monster with that syndrome! Laughs are all too few these days. I'm glad I could give you one or two. :-)

  6. Irritable Vowel Syndrome. Haha! And I'm glad you have standards to not date Miley. Except, I here she got married, so she's officially off the market anyway.

    Congrats, Roland! I wish you all the best with both stories. :)

  7. I didn't hear that about her getting married. Poor fellow. I wish you the best with the newsletter and your business with L. Diane Wolfe. :-)

  8. Hi Heather and Roland - what a fun post ... and I too loved the various takes on phrases .. Irritable Vowel Syndrome is a definite plus ... Good luck with the SEX and various partners .. should be have interesting Tacky Grey storylines ... cheers Hilary

    1. I wanted to do a book tour post that was fun and breezy and non-threatening sort of like a PG-13 DEADPOOL TEASER TRAILER! I'm glad you liked it. :-)

  9. Yo, Roland. I'm glad to see you here. That was an excellent post, and I do like the, e-hem, nom de plume too. Gotta use it somehow. This had me chuckling, and I tweeted this.

    Good luck with the new book! (now I know why your covers are so great!)
    Yatahay, my friend!

    1. And Bless Your Home, too. :-) I wanted to be different -- and boy, was I! Yes, Heather makes me look good, doesn't she?

  10. Thanks so much, Heather, for letting me visit your blog and chance your visitor count slipping by doing another blog tour. I had a great time, and you are a gracious hostess. :-)


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